From: Dan
Rather
TO:
CBS Staff
Holy (Redacted).
We got caught!
Looks like we
"crapped in the whiskey."
This is the last
time we use James Carville as a
source!
Looking back, we
should have realized something was wrong
when the documents came in a "happy
meal" box. Did that come with fries?
Why didn't I get any?
Time for damage
control. Get Rooney and Wallace sobered
up, and meet me in the "secret"
boardroom. Check to make sure all the
stalls are empty.
I called Michael
Moore for some advice, but he was on an
"acid trip" and was really of
very little help.
A few thoughts to
mull before we meet:
Can we say that our
source was a "time traveler?"
This would explain the document being
written on a typewriter that didn't exist
in that era. Would make a pretty good
story for "60 MINUTES," too.
Or we could get Al
Gore to claim that HE invented the word
processor in 1970, and kept it a secret
from everyone except the Texas Air
National Guard.
Maybe we could
divert attention by breaking the
"Amelia Earhart/Hitler Story" a
week early. Or something like that. Maybe
we can HYPE a breaking story to minimize
this.
Where are the
terrorists when you really need them!
Also, think about a
possible selection to "take the
gaff." Maybe we could blame it on
Scott Pelley. He's been eye-balling my
job for years. Never liked that kid.
So much for the CBS
theory that "nobody remembers
yesterday."
We've got to work
fast on this one, or we may not last
"60 MINUTES," if you get my
drift.
And you can take
that to the bank!
Dan
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